It's been a little more than a year since I got involved with my church. For many people, one year is only a short period of time. But as for me, what God has been showing me for this 'short period' of time has more weight and meaning than what I've been doing for the past 17 years of my life. It is only until last year that God has shown me how to live and to die at same time.
So here's my story:
It was June last year, I was outside the office of the vice dean to have my schedule adjusted and I happened to come 4 hours earlier than the adjustment time to avoid the queue. I sat there patiently and then there was a beautiful woman who approached the chairs, she was familiar to me. I moved my bag from the chair beside me and motioned her to take a sit. And then I said, "You were my classmate in Intsoci (Intro to Sociology)", but she doesn't remember me. Anyhow, we learned that we are both taking up BS-Psych and having discovered our similarities we started chatting. She then began sharing about how she is in faith that she is gonna have the schedule for her last term that she wanted and that God has been so faithful in her life and throughout her stay in the course. She then invited me to attend the La Salle cluster every tuesdays as they walk with God and I said yes. Honestly, I said yes not because I was interested in the cluster. There was something in me that made me say yes, perhaps because I was curious about what is something in her that makes her a godly woman. She is so pretty that I wondered how could she have not gone a life that is otherwise. How could she be so friendly, get people's cellphone numbers and talk about God to people she just met? And so I went to cluster although I did not really want to, it's just that I already said yes and I am very careful not to take back what I have said.
I'm so glad I did. The cluster family is more than just 'feel good', there is a sense of belonging that I knew that I'd keep coming back. Although I still have my bad habits that time, God slowly removed that away from me as He is introducing Himself as my great Savior and Creator. I was patiently discipled by Ate Lorr and I knew that someday I'd like to be like her. I did not know how but then I saw her life and I said I wanted to have that kind of life. And whenever I attend cluster, I see people as more than happy, they are secured. I thought they were just happy and positive people. They are more than that. They are filled with grace and more than optimistic, they are faithful. How could people be so selfless and sincere? Even when Ate Lorr was discussing One2One with me, I can't help but think: why would she waste her time on me? and why would she invest in a relationship with me? To be honest, I did not know how broken I was and how in need I was till someone cared, till someone pointed it out through her actions.
I even remember the first time I attended the Night of Worship, it was July. When I came in, people were raising their hands, eyes shut and mouth open. People were worshiping like I have never witnessed before. How could all these people be overwhelmed altogether? Although I found that weird, or different from what I know, I knew that this is my destiny. I have never been so sure in my whole life. As I have said, I did not know how to start. How would I stop cursing, drinking, being snobbish and judgmental and so on? I did not know. I was a sheep without a Shepherd. But I knew that I belonged here, in God's kingdom. I knew that I would be one of those 'weird' people shouting praises to God. And it's almost as if I can see God smiling at me, grinning and saying, "Finally. The plan that I have weaved is unfolding right before you My daughter. You know it."
God welcomed me and I just know that He has been waiting for me all the while, like the Father in the parable of the prodigal son. My life suddenly had a great value, and everything had a meaning. It's as if I found a really great treasure, I really did. I remember one time that I felt like I wanted to shout out to everyone the good news. I felt like I wanted everyone to know this. How could you not know this? How come I only knew this now?! This is it!!
However, it is not that easy. Maybe the reason why not everyone knows this is because, it is really difficult. It takes a great deal of grace and willingness to change.It was a struggle to let go and grip at the same time the worldly things in my life. But slowly, I succumbed to God. I started reading the Bible and attending all the services I could attend. People around me did not believe the change that was happening. I'm surprised at myself too for having this craving to read the Word and understand it. Though I still fall to my many sins, I never enjoyed them anymore. I was never the same.
It was made realized to me how unbecoming my life was before I had an encounter with God. Later on, people from cluster would laugh off that I snobbed and glared at them at first. I would laugh it off too, knowing that I had that unpleasant attitude, but that is when I began to feel that I was really changing. From hearing the Word of God to doing the things of God. There is just this unquenchable desire to meet Him, to have an encounter with Him and have an intimacy with Him.
After Victory Weekend, there were more trials that tested my faith. There are times when I would cry out to God. That is when I felt that to be a Christian is not easy and then I fully understood what Ate Lorr said that Christianity is for the strong. Through the pains and persecutions, I held on to God. I would be still as my life verse says, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10). Everything that I am and all that is happening to me will bow down before Him. At the end of the day, all the tears, bitterness and complaints, all the pieces of my broken heart will bow down to His Lordship.
Psalm 30:11-12: You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
And so is this blog made. It's not really about me, but it is about Him--how He changed my life and How capable He is for orchestrating everything to being. That is why I am dead and alive at the same time. Dead to myself but alive in Him and for Him.
And as for the title of the blog, "outside the normal curve", it is because I believe that I do not fall under it. Sir Andrew told me this, that the probability of me getting to the cluster is very slim. I am a deviant. Usually, those who attend are members' friends, classmates, and friends of friends. But I was reached out through the queue of adjustment, though the faith of a person who eventually became an inspiration. And I also believe that what God has done does not belong to the norm. I have been set-apart for Him.
My prayer is that people will be reached out and made realized that they should not conform to the "norm". God has very specific plans for each one of us and I hope that many people will be blessed as I have been and continuing to be blessed by His people. I pray that if you are a leader, you continue to invite people and be a living testimony. I don't want to admit this but I remember, Ate Lorr was my classmate and then she was seated at the back. I was seated at the front row (the only one at front row because I don't want to be seated beside anyone :o) and I really disliked the people at the back because they were so noisy. And then when the reporting came, I thought of my revenge. I threw all sorts of questions so that they will not be able to answer. Yes, I questioned Ate Lorr why her costume was like that, why it isn't like this, what is the difference between this and this and so on (I'm sorry Ate Lorr. haha). God must have been smiling at me knowing that she is gonna be my discipler one day. If she had remembered me, took it against me and not invited me to cluster, I do not know where I would be now. My point is, let us be patient with one another for God works in millions of ways we do not understand. Perhaps the worst thing be could do to another is to deem that person as hopeless, cannot be saved. This is why I look-up to the people of God who willingly devote their time and invest in relationships to bring people closer to Him. Looking at my two favorite mentors, Ate Cams and Sir Andrew, they are able to worship God and serve His people through grace and faith. They always encourage and strengthen, they are always patient and sincere. And I believe that they are able to do so though Him who gives strength. I pray that we, young leaders, imitate Christ Jesus as our leaders have done and believe that someday, we may be like them or even more, all for God's kingdom.
Hebrews 3:13-But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.
Today, I am making disciples for God and I am saying this not to boast but as a testimony of how God has changed my life. I've been walking with Him for a year now and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Psalm 63:3-4: Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands.
