I’m Singular and Loving It

“A woman with the courage to step out into the unknown, risking temporary loneliness for a shot at lasting joy, is more than a “single.” She’s singular. Instead of defining herself by what she lacks—a relationship with a man—she defines herself by what she has: a relationship with God.” –Dawn Eden, The Thrill of Chaste

Hi Ladies, 

Last Christmas I received a book titled How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul *as a gift from my auntie and I ought to share this with you. As a woman, I have had my fair share of past mistakes but with the grace of God I have resolved to be pure, modest, and chaste. My decision to be holy and set-apart is motivated by love. This article is about loving our bodies, our future husband, and enjoying the season of singleness. Here are some thoughts that I would like to share with you and I hope that you will be with me in my journey and let us encourage one another as we fix our eyes on Jesus.

1.) I love my body and I have resolved to be modest from now on. 

There was a study in Princeton University wherein it was found that when men are presented images of scantily clad women, their brains associate women with first-person verbs such as “I push,” “I grab,” and “I handle.” When shown images of modestly dressed women, the men associated the images with third-person forms of verbs such as “she grabs,” “she pushes,” and “she handles.” Meaning, modest women are perceived as the ones who are in control and the immodest ones are the ones acted upon. Moreover, when some of the men viewed scantily clad females, their medial prefrontal cortex was deactivated. This is the region of the brain associated with analyzing a person’s thoughts, intentions, and feelings. Fiske remarked, “It is as if they are reacting to these women as if they are not fully human.” She added, “It is a preliminary study but is consistent with the idea that they are responding to these photographs as if there were responding to objects rather than people.”*

Surely you don’t want men to perceive you as objects, but to treat you with respect. And by dressing modestly, it shows that you respect men. Do not make yourself an instrument of temptation. You may give him excitement and he may give you his attention, but there is lack of reverence.

“Dressing like a floozy tells the world, “Look at me, lust after me. I am easy and you can have me.” Displaying intimate parts of the body is a form of advertising for sex—so if you dress to attract sexual attention, you can hardly blame anyone else if that kind of attention comes your way.”-Kim Alexis

I love my body. I know that I my body is far from beautiful but nevertheless, I like my flabby arms and other unflattering body parts. I know that it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which is why I do not drink, smoke or abuse it. This is the body that God has given me, and I ought to treat it with respect. There are many ways on how I can show that I love and respect it, and one those ways is by dressing modestly.  It sure is easy to look for cute and sexy outfits, but finding modest clothes take more time because they require much thought. This is a way of practicing self-control, respect of self and to men.

"Accept that other women will be prettier, smarter, and more popular than you are, and that's fine...The goal is not to stand on the top of the pile. The goal is to hold yourself to a personal standard and become someone you would respect if you were someone else."

Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies. -1 Cor. 6:19-20

This is the purity ring I bought for myself on Feb. 14.
This reminds me to be pure in heart, mind and body :)

2.) I love my future husband and I have resolved to save myself for him

“First, by not having sex before marriage, you are insisting on your right to take these things seriously, when many around you do not seem to. By reserving a part of you for someone else, you are insisting on your right to keep something sacred; you are welcoming the prospect of someone else making an enduring private claim to you, and you to him. But more significantly, not having sex before marriage is a way of insisting that the most interesting part of your life will take place after marriage, and if it’s more interesting, maybe then it will last.”-Wendy Shalit, A Return to Modesty

It is not enough to think only of the love I hope to find, but the love I ought to give. I am preparing myself for this kind of love by practicing purity in heart, mind and body. I am not sure if there is someone out there for me, if I will ever meet him, but if I do not say no to lust now, the day might come for real love and I will not be able to say yes.  By being chaste, it means that I am hoping for something greater than what the present moment can offer me. 

I have resolved to abstain from sexual intimacy until marriage. While some people may argue that I could just practice “safe sex,” well, I believe that I am a gift to be received that only one man is worthy of. We women are supposed to be excited when we flip the pregnancy test, hoping that it would be positive, and not the other way around. We should not live in the fear of pregnancy or STDs. The only safe sex is within the security and sanctity of marriage. Come to think of it, I have never met someone who saved herself and regretted it :)

We are worthy of being waited upon. We are VERY expensive. It may sound arrogant but it’s true. We were bought at a price. Jesus paid for that price. We are made worthy because of the blood of Christ. Thus, we are assured that we are worthy of being waited upon. And importantly, if I could not resist to temptations outside of marriage, how much more would I not be able to resist temptations when they arise within marriage? Therefore, I am training myself now to be of self-control so that in the future, I will be able to bless my husband with the peaceful assurance of fidelity.

"Chastity means keeping the sexual secret hidden....[T]he value of every gift is enhanced, if it exists solely for him to whom it is given."- Dietrich von Hildebrand

If you already have given something you should not have given, you still have today until your wedding day. Regardless of your past, you can be pure. 

"The woman who succeeds in resisting this temptation is she whose sex appeal transcends her sexual aptitude. Such women boast the intelligence necessary to make healthy life decisions, the charm to win the attention of men without promise of physical compensation, the maturity to acknowledge the difference between love and lust, and the confidence to demand the former in situations where they are pressured to compromise themselves for the latter." -Jane Fredell,

3.) Patience is a virtue

I can say with all honesty that I am enjoying this season of singleness despite the Valentine fever and all these romantic couples popping-up on my news feed. I see this season as an opportunity to set my priorities straight, making myself the right person (instead of finding the "right person"), and grow in patience. When it comes to relationships, I agree that the most difficult virtue is patience. It is true that standards will be tested in times of loneliness but I am confident that through patience, I will receive the prize. I will not compromise my standards. I believe that there are still godly men out there and I am holding out for them. For the meanwhile, I will do what I have to do, just like Ruth when she met Boaz. I am not gonna sit around, passively waiting for the one. It is said that spiritual maturity emerges only through patient suffering. Seasons of waiting, wondering and hoping may need to pass as we cling to God in faith, allowing Him to shape our hopes and every desires. 

"Every sin brings with it its own punishment. Apart from the possibility of serious infections, lewd people will never taste the true beauty of a sexual union based on mutual love and lived in reverence....They will experience lust, but their punishment is that they will never taste the sweetness of true love."-Dr. Alice von Hilderbrand, The Privilege of Being a Woman

Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. -Romans 12:9

Prayer

I pray that we glorify God through our purity in heart, mind, and body--that we offer ourselves as holy and pleasing sacrifices. We ask for forgiveness in times when we have fallen in temptation and we ask for grace, that in times of difficulties we will not fall to sin. I also pray that we may be accountable to one another, encouraging one another and that we remain faithful and fruitful through Christ who strengthens us. In Jesus' name, Amen.

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your strength, but with the temptation will also provide the way of escape, that you make be able to endure it.-1 Cor. 10:13

Have someone accountable to you.

A faithful friend is a sturdy shelter: he that has found one has found a treasure. There is nothing to precious as a faithful friend, and no scales can measure his excellence.

Though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.

If you have any comments/suggestions on how to improve this article, please feel free to pm me :)

References:
*pp.165-166, How to Find Your Soulmate without Losing Your Soul, Jason & Crystalina Evert